We have become accustomed to seeing a lot of gobbledygook online. But the jargon that purports to explain the workings of the 鈥淩epronizer鈥 elevates bunk to new heights. What is the Repronizer? A device to 鈥渂ioprogram hair.鈥 Not a hair dryer, the profusion of ads proclaim, although it sure looks like one. But if you are going to pay about $1200 for a gizmo, you do expect it to do more than dry hair. And Lumielina, the Japanese manufacturer, claims it does. Not only does it not damage hair like a hair dryer, it improves the quality of hair with each use!
How does this happen? With technology that makes use of quantum mechanics of course. I couldn鈥檛 possibly do justice to rephrasing the manufacturer鈥檚 explanation of how the product works, so let鈥檚 let Lumielina do the talking.
鈥淭he ceramics in the Repronizer are programmed with a 鈥渇ield鈥 which calculates the fundamental physics theory of space-time. It is thought that the energy of elementary particles is stored in vacuums that exist in atoms, molecules, and nuclei. This system in nature, where the micro world dominates the macro world, is called a 鈥渉ierarchical structure.鈥 This hierarchical structure is made up of 鈥渇ields.鈥 If you want to know the true state of nature, it is necessary to think and calculate in terms of quantum mechanics. It is theoretically clarified by the Einstein鈥檚 discovery of Special Theory of Relativity that 鈥榯ime decelerates as speed increases,鈥 and from the General Theory of Relativity, 鈥榯ime accelerates as the influence of gravity decreases,鈥 or 鈥榯ime decelerates as gravity increases.鈥欌
Haven鈥檛 had enough twaddle? There鈥檚 more. 鈥淯sing Lumielina鈥檚 technological theory, or 鈥渢heoretical physics of space-time,鈥 if one programs a 鈥渇ield of matter,鈥 it becomes possible to derive new, never-before discovered functions which were innate in their respective forms of matter. If you cultivate cells in an environment where the 鈥渇ield鈥 is reprogrammed, thousands of different genetic combinations can change through a 鈥渇ield of correlation function.鈥 Organisms immediately respond to their corresponding environments, and genes mutually adapt to a 鈥渟pace-time field鈥 environment where one can see life programming itself through a blueprint of its own.鈥 There is even a 鈥渂ioprogramming equation for beauty鈥 to describe how this happens. P=lamda(nD)t. 鈥淧鈥 apparently is 鈥減ower of beauty,鈥 鈥淒鈥 is density and 鈥渢鈥 is time. Now you know.
I don鈥檛 think I have ever seen anything quite like that. A bunch of scientific buzz words scrambled into totally meaningless mush. We are not done. The device is said to moisturize hair from within by drawing moisture from the scalp. Somehow this is said to be demonstrated by the very slick promotional video that has the requisite white-coated scientists looking on as a woman sits in the path of air being blown at her from the Repronizer mounted on a stand about a foot away. How long does she sit there? Two hours! Before and after pictures seem to show somewhat less frizziness by the time the spectacle mercifully comes to an end. In another promo, we are informed that 鈥渢he density of the quantum field is maintained the more times the device is used, increasing hair鈥檚 power to become beautiful.鈥 Of course.
Any proper scientific experiment requires a control. In this case, that would be having the subject sit for two hours without the Repronizer doing whatever it does. Just let the hair air dry. I suspect the results would be the same. I base my opinion on a paper published in the Annals of Dermatology that reported on washing tresses of hair and then exposing them to different drying temperatures by holding the dryer at different distances. The results were compared with using no dryer at all. There was more surface damage to hair when a hair dryer was used than when the hair was allowed to dry naturally.
To be fair, there are lots of positive testimonials from women who have purchased the Repronizer, or who had treatment with one at a salon. That鈥檚 not surprising since the treatments are expensive, and the cost of the device is exorbitant. There鈥檚 a good chance that after shelling out a small fortune, nobody likes to feel that they have been duped.
It is impossible to glean any information about whatever science may be involved in the workings of this wonder product from the wacky mishmash of words under 鈥渢echnology鈥 on the company鈥檚 website. So, I went searching elsewhere. I opted for a patent search, thinking that if indeed they had managed to come up with some miraculous new technology, they must have patented it. And there it was! US patent D832509S1! Now I would learn how quantum mechanics and Einstein鈥檚 theory of relativity applied to a hair dryer! Curiously, the patent stated that it was for a hair dryer, despite all the advertising that proclaimed Repronizer to be far more than that.
Alas, my quest to be edified about hierarchical quantum mechanical fields would hit a wall. The patent was about the Repronizer alright, but it was about the design of its shape, not its workings. I am therefore left to conclude that if it looks like a hair dryer, blows hot air like a hairdryer, and is to be used like a hair dryer, then it is a hairdryer. Even if its cost, at hundreds of dollars, is not that of a hairdryer.
